12-22-11
“I and my boyfriend
had some misunderstanding about him having no time to chitchat with me---this
shouldn't be an issue at all but things really sank deeper none of us expected.
I really don’t know why it bothers me but all of the sudden he made me feel
unimportant. I am not a toy; all I want is for him to talk to me what’s going
through his day. Of course I cannot tell him that because I believe that it is
a common courtesy for all boyfriends to INCLUDE their girlfriends in their ADL’s.
We used to talk about things that are bothering us but lately, I felt that he
doesn’t have time to do that anymore. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO HAVE A
RELATIONSHIP BOUNDED WITH LOVE, TRUST and OPEN COMMUNICATION. Am I asking too
much?”
--We make mistakes, we say things we shouldn’t, we act before we
think, and sometimes we end up hurting those we love the most.
(the reasons)
1.
Not Enough.
It simply feels like we don’t communicate enough anymore. Our partners doesn’t talk to us (like they used to). Maybe there is a touch of who has to text first but the catch is TO SIMPLY REPLY. Unfortunately, too many couples end up in this rut; the cliche of texting each other & telling one other what's going on or just the usual exchange of sweet nothings end up to be a FORGOTTEN task over time. Eventually, those couples come to a point where they feel like they don’t know each other anymore. Nobody wants their relationship to end up like that. Yet, if we stop communicating with each other, that is exactly what will happen in the end. We will grow apart, we will feel lonely, we will feel unimportant and unloved. When You recognize that You are no longer communicating enough, you both need to stop in your tracks and shift gears!
It simply feels like we don’t communicate enough anymore. Our partners doesn’t talk to us (like they used to). Maybe there is a touch of who has to text first but the catch is TO SIMPLY REPLY. Unfortunately, too many couples end up in this rut; the cliche of texting each other & telling one other what's going on or just the usual exchange of sweet nothings end up to be a FORGOTTEN task over time. Eventually, those couples come to a point where they feel like they don’t know each other anymore. Nobody wants their relationship to end up like that. Yet, if we stop communicating with each other, that is exactly what will happen in the end. We will grow apart, we will feel lonely, we will feel unimportant and unloved. When You recognize that You are no longer communicating enough, you both need to stop in your tracks and shift gears!
2. Avoidance.
Avoiding an issue that we have with our partner may be one reason we stop talking or communicating with him/her. Perhaps, he/she has done something that upset us. For whatever reason, we are uncomfortable talking about it; therefore, we say nothing and pull away instead. We retreat into ourselves. We build a wall around us as a way of defense. It feels better in the beginning to avoid the issue. Yet, what we don’t realize is that the avoidance only creates further issues. We are not learning from the problem if we ignore it in hopes that it will just go away. Obviously, ignoring this issue and just trying to avoid it is not going to benefit either of you. It is very important to face our issues and find out how we can move past them instead of trying to avoid them.
Avoiding an issue that we have with our partner may be one reason we stop talking or communicating with him/her. Perhaps, he/she has done something that upset us. For whatever reason, we are uncomfortable talking about it; therefore, we say nothing and pull away instead. We retreat into ourselves. We build a wall around us as a way of defense. It feels better in the beginning to avoid the issue. Yet, what we don’t realize is that the avoidance only creates further issues. We are not learning from the problem if we ignore it in hopes that it will just go away. Obviously, ignoring this issue and just trying to avoid it is not going to benefit either of you. It is very important to face our issues and find out how we can move past them instead of trying to avoid them.
3. Interrupting.
Do you interrupt your partner? Does he/she finish your sentences? Sometimes that can seem like a wonderful thing, but after a while it can become a challenge. It becomes difficult if our partner never lets us finish a sentence. We answer for each other. Maybe we interrupt our partner because we are bored with the conversation or perhaps we aren’t paying attention to begin with. Interrupting shows a lack of respect, a lack of interest, and maybe even a lack of trust. I remember few nights ago while talking to my boyfriend over the phone, I was telling him about my day (that was also to encourage him to talk to me about his day as well). As I was about to tell him what's been bothering me, he somehow cut me short by asking questions about why I was feeling that way, I paused for a moment and said something like, “Mmmm…I am not sure. I…” He interrupted me (again) and beginning to explain his actions that he thought might have bothered me. He interrupted me and in this situation I found it to be quite rude. No matter when, where or why we interrupt each other we need to become aware of doing such, and then we need to stop and allow our partner to speak – fully – completing his/her thoughts. If we are too busy to listen at that moment, then we gently need to let our partner know that and make time later. Interrupting can create a severe gap in communication!
Do you interrupt your partner? Does he/she finish your sentences? Sometimes that can seem like a wonderful thing, but after a while it can become a challenge. It becomes difficult if our partner never lets us finish a sentence. We answer for each other. Maybe we interrupt our partner because we are bored with the conversation or perhaps we aren’t paying attention to begin with. Interrupting shows a lack of respect, a lack of interest, and maybe even a lack of trust. I remember few nights ago while talking to my boyfriend over the phone, I was telling him about my day (that was also to encourage him to talk to me about his day as well). As I was about to tell him what's been bothering me, he somehow cut me short by asking questions about why I was feeling that way, I paused for a moment and said something like, “Mmmm…I am not sure. I…” He interrupted me (again) and beginning to explain his actions that he thought might have bothered me. He interrupted me and in this situation I found it to be quite rude. No matter when, where or why we interrupt each other we need to become aware of doing such, and then we need to stop and allow our partner to speak – fully – completing his/her thoughts. If we are too busy to listen at that moment, then we gently need to let our partner know that and make time later. Interrupting can create a severe gap in communication!
4. Misunderstanding.
Sometimes we just don’t take our partner’s words or actions for what they really are. We read the text or email, we see our partner’s body language and we think he/she meant something totally different! Even when talking face-to-face we can misunderstand what our partner means. The words we choose, the tone of our voice, our body language – all of these things suggest things to our partners. We are all human – even though we are spiritual beings we are still in human form; therefore, we filter everything through our perceptions and our egos. Jumping to conclusions or instantly reacting may result in a break in our communication. It is important for us to remain open – ask if we are unsure and be prepared to recognize that we may have been mistaken.
Sometimes we just don’t take our partner’s words or actions for what they really are. We read the text or email, we see our partner’s body language and we think he/she meant something totally different! Even when talking face-to-face we can misunderstand what our partner means. The words we choose, the tone of our voice, our body language – all of these things suggest things to our partners. We are all human – even though we are spiritual beings we are still in human form; therefore, we filter everything through our perceptions and our egos. Jumping to conclusions or instantly reacting may result in a break in our communication. It is important for us to remain open – ask if we are unsure and be prepared to recognize that we may have been mistaken.
5. The Need to Be Right.
It is
highly likely that we have all experienced moments when we just couldn’t seem
to back down. We just knew we were right and wanted to prove it. Consequently,
we would pick an argument or keep one going until we felt like we won or we had
proven we were the winner. This need to be right makes communicating a
competition at times. And, I don’t know about you, but I want to communicate
with my partner on a deep level. I don’t want to have a loser and a winner. I
don’t want to feel like I am competing. When we come to the realization that
our need to be right is not as important as having open communication with our
partner, we can take a step back. Being able to look at something from someone else’s point of view
may not change our mind, but it can offer a wealth of information, new
perspectives and opportunities for growth – even if we are still convinced that
we are right.
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